I lead a grief support group on the second and fourth Thursdays of each month from 10:00 to 11:30.  Group members provide a safe forum to express grief through emotional support and practical suggestions.  The group meets at Calvin Presbyterian Church, 10445 SW Canterbury Lane, Tigard, Oregon 97224-4811.  There is no fee to attend.  You may inquire at the church office 503.639.3273, or contact me with the information listed on the Contact Us page.  I also provide individual and family therapy for grief and loss.

How Do People Grieve?

We each have our own personal styles to grieve losses that work best for us.  Understanding one's own best methods to grieve, helps a person move through grief and eventally create a new life built on new meaning derived from loss and grief.

Some individuals use thinking strategies in the form of reading, online resources, problem solving groups, or therapy.  Talking and thinking about loss can be as effective in ventilating and reducing energy aroused by grief as can emotional expression.  Others act in ways that can provide meaning or comfort, replace or compensate for the loss, create a symbolic relationship with the deceased, discharge energy, or reinforce a sense of control.  Rituals, creative arts, organizing a memorial service, or meeting responsibilities can meet these needs.

Using humor relieves tension, expresses emotion, stimulates memories, acknowledges other legacies of the deceased, generates support, temporarily diverts the pain, allows the griever to laugh at fears and difficulties, and physiologically benefits as well.  However, excessive or insensitive humor negates the benefits.  Emotional expression through tears, creative arts, support groups, or therapy generates support and helps a griever explore and resolve emotional conflicts.  Most grievers express emotion to some degree.

A griever may use spiritual practices, such as prayer, attending a house of worship, meditation, communion with God, creating a memorial of the deceased, reading religious materials, or searching for meaning in the loss.  It does not help for others to impose their own meanings that do not harmonize with the griever.  Each griever develops a unique sense of meaning from loss that may or may not coincide with how another would understand the loss.

How can you know if a person is grieving?

A griever expresses feeling, talks about ways they are thinking, and/or acts in response to the loss.  A griever describes ways they experience the process.  Absence of significant emotional expression may indicate the griever uses thought or actions to express grief.

Absence of any feeling, talking, or acting in response to the loss may indicate the griever has difficulty coping with the loss and may need therapeutic help.

When does grieving become unhealthy?

When little or no recovery has been made for an extended period (over a year); the griever shows pronounced regression that is not due to usual causes, such as anniversary dates, specific events, or additional losses; or the griever's behaviors interfere with overall health or functioning.

How long does a person grieve?

Grief is usually less intense after two years.  However, a person might indefinitely feel some grief for a significant loss but function well too.  A griever may also initially set aside grieving to meet responsibilities, such as arranging a funeral, making financial arrangements, or meeting children's emotional needs.  After responsibilites have been met, the griever may then grieve the loss.